New relationship mistakes – 3 things to avoid (video transcript)
Are you just getting into a new relationship and figuring out how you can get it off on the right foot?
Whether it’s a new work relationship or a romantic one, when we are so invested in getting that relationship off on the right foot there are many mistakes that we can end up making.
Making certain decisions at the very beginning of a relationship will help set them up with the best chance for success.
New relationship mistake number 1: Presenting a false version of yourself
We all want to fit the profile of what the person’s looking for, whether that’s from a job site or on Bumble.
However, being something that you’re not or playing a role from the beginning just means that that person is signing up for a relationship with somebody other than you.
Don’t do it. It just means you will have to be playing a part for the foreseeable future.
New relationship mistake number 2: Pretending to be low maintenance
The second thing we do is we pretend to be completely low maintenance. This results in us thinking “I don’t need anything, you can treat me any way you want and I’ll just keep coming back for more”.
You don’t want to set yourself up as somebody who needs nothing and is completely low maintenance. That’s setting up the relationship in a way that is all take and no give, which doesn’t make any sense.
New relationship mistake number 3: Not communicating expectations
Finally, the third thing we do when we’re starting out in relationships is that we hold expectations that we don’t communicate to the other person. We sit and wait to see, will they pass our test or not?
Starting out a relationship with poor trust and with no foundation for something solid going forward is no good.
What to do instead
So instead, understand who are you and what a great match looks like for you.
Whether that’s a great match with a job, organization or boss, or it’s a great match in a romantic relationship, identify what you’re looking for and what works for you and know who you are. You can present the best version of you, just not somebody else.
Secondly, it’s perfectly fine to state from the beginning “Here’s the one thing that is the most important to me and what I’m looking for”.
Even if it’s your first job interview or first relationship, it’s important to state your goals and feelings to ensure you are a good match.
If you state at the start of your new job that you need a lot of stimulation and a chance to innovate and they aren’t receptive, you’ll know immediately that it’s not somewhere you want to work.
If say on your first date that you’re somebody who needs a lot of outdoor adventure and to be on the go all the time, and the person says they’re more of a chilling at home with a movie type, again, is that somebody you wanted to be in a relationship with?
Finally, it is so important to share your expectations with people and clarify what “good” looks like for you. For example with a prospective boss, you could say “I’d love if I could have a one on one with you for 15 minutes at least once a week; that would make feel like I’m up to speed and I have what I need”.
Avoiding these mistakes will help you get your new relationship started on the right foot and set up to last over the long term.
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