Are you looking for validation or value?
Too often, what we are looking for from our teammates is recognition, praise, and affirmation, when really we should be looking for them to add value.
Here’s a test:
When you send a document around to your teammates for their review, do you hope they:
a) Forward it to all their friends as an example of the best document they’ve ever read in their 27 year career
b) Rush to your desk and throw their arms around you proclaiming how lucky they are to get to work with someone as smart as you
c) Identify the typos and errors in your document and make a few high impact suggests for how to make it stronger
Praise vs. progress
I realized a while ago that I was guilty of looking for praise instead of progress. I would send something out, often way too close to the due date and cross my fingers that everyone would think it was great. I realized that when I did that, I was pretty much hoping that my teammates would be useless. How lame is that?
I have reformed. Now, when I send something to my teammates, instead of craving their love and affection, what I really crave is their diverse opinions, their unique perspectives, and their ideas that will make my work so much better.
Amazingly, we all feel smarter, more valuable, more loved, and more like a team as a result.
Next time you share something with a teammate…ask yourself what you are really looking for.
Further Reading
Unconventional Wisdom on Constructive Feedback
How to Take Constructive Feedback
How to Accept Positive Feedback
What a great reflection, Liane. This is a simple concept and a powerful reminder about being truly open to feedback and ideas. Its a great leadership lesson.
This is great insight. I think maybe many of us are guilty of the same thing and yet when I think of how I would act if you had sent it around to me, it most certainly would have been to “help make it better” by providing some constructive criticism. Your point about hoping your teammates would be useless really drives home the need to reflect on our own intention. And helps us to shift our mindset to one that will be open to feedback.
I admit that I was and sometimes still am a ‘hug-lover’ myself, and over the years – I just like you Liane, have come to appreciate the great value in candid feedback. Thank you for the ‘candid’ reminder!
Great post, Liane. The closing line resonated with me, about remembering to ask ourselves what we’re really looking for when sharing something with our team. It’s an important reminder, especially when our teammates reply with valuable feedback, instead of rushing to our desks with their arms outstretched!
Interesting post in that I tend to forget that my team is usually looking for praise for their work and I’m looking for action on the request. I constantly remind myself that other people may need reassurance and feedback vs. having me jump to action to deal with something. It’s a good reminder for leaders to know the needs of their staff. Also good for leaders to take a hard look at themselves and ensure their motivation for doing things is genuine and not because they need validation or praise from people.
April, great point about jumping in with solutions. I remember a conversation with a colleague where she came into the room and started unloading a really tough and important issue. I immediately jumped into action, trying to be helpful. When I finally stopped, she said “I didn’t want you to solve this, I just needed to vent.” I had totally missed the point. I’m so glad my colleague had the trust to just tell me so, but how often do they not. I’m glad you took the blog in this interesting direction!
Basically one would think you would your team with members that have strengths and skills that either you lack or do not have. When you send something to your team mates you should be looking for their valued input to complete an assignment or send them information that will assist them in the day to day operation of the company. I agree you must provide positive feed back when job in well done, but I also believe you must provide feedback when their work quality is lacking, this can be accomplished simply by coaching, asking the simple question did they understand the assignment etc..
I am never looking for hugs, however my glowing personallity makes people feel I really need one.
Can’t say as i am ever looking for a “HUG” What i typically am looking for from my team is a couple things;
–
Can’t say as i am ever looking for a “HUG” What i typically am looking for from my team is a couple things;
– whether or not they agree or have buy in with my thoughts
– if they do not agree, what suggestions improvements do they have
As someone that is fairly new in the team leader postion I found myself becoming frustrated with my team because it seemed like every issue that came to rise it was brought to my attention and they where looking for a solution from me and not trying to solve it themselves, I soon realized that these team members were wanting my approvial and praise and not always the solution, I wasn’t giving any because of the frustraion of the lack of of performace on their part. I have sinced coached these team members in how to start the converstions and how to present the issue and what they have came up for a solution. That way all parties know if it is a FYI or a trouble shooting converastion.
That is so true that so many things we end up doing so close to the deadlines that praise is easier to get than to get valuable feedback and critique. The more time we can give ourselves and our team to make ourselves better and able to truly grow the stronger we all become.
It is definitely much easier to accept recognition or praise from teammates than it can be to take suggestions. As a result the challenge as a teammate can be to ensure that our delivery or reception of opinions and ideas is taken as constructive feedback with the intent to add value to the work already completed.